SQL Server Performance Office Hours Episode 87 – Questions From Haters
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Chapters
- 00:00:00 – Introduction
- 00:01:34 – Monitoring Tools Update
- 00:03:38 – Hater Questions Overview
- 00:05:25 – Hater Question Analysis
- 00:07:47 – Final Thoughts
Full Transcript
Erik Darling here with Darling Data, and I have returned home, unfortunately, and, well, time for office hours. This one getting done a little bit late on a Tuesday because, you know, long weekends is long, my friends, and, you know, sometimes, sometimes festive, I guess. But today’s office hours is a special one. This is a first edition of office hours where it is purely questions from haters. There’s some, some, some, some, some attempts to make your friend, your best friend in the world, Erik Darling, feel bad. And we’re gonna, we’re gonna answer those questions today. All right. Down in the video description, because it’s been a while since I had a PowerPoint to read from, down in the video description, there are all sorts of helpful links. where you can hire me for consulting, you can purchase my training, you can become a supporting member of the channel. You can ask me office hours, hopefully nicer office hours questions than the ones you see today. And of course, as always, please do like, subscribe, and tell a friend. This slide I have to fix, or I have to do something with, because very exciting stuff. If you’ve been keeping up with my free SQL Server performance monitoring tool, you may have seen recently, that it is not just for SQL Server anymore. Now it can also monitor Postgres and Aurora Postgres, which, I guess are popular out in the world. So we hit those now too. So it’s not just SQL Server, but it is the same wonderful, free brand of monitoring that SQL Server has just expanded to Postgres. There’s still some like sort of work that I have to do to make sure that everything is kind of equal in the world. The Postgres side needs the alerting and stuff that SQL Server already has. But we now monitor Postgres and Aurora Postgres. So all good things there. The link to check that out is still down in the video description. And because I was away for the month of August, you were all sadly denied the joy of the August database party image.
And so just going over this one, this database seems to have lost an eye. Probably double fisting beer by a fire. That seems like a good way. This, you’re missing your mouth entirely. I don’t know if that’s blood or wine, but it looks a little strange. And I don’t know, this chicken wing has an, this drumstick has an eye. So I don’t know, man. I don’t really know what that is. But this was my month of August database party image. It’s got some Stonehenge-y stuff back here. That’s kind of cool. Look at these flower headband things. That’s, man. How do I get invited to that party? That looks like a good time. I don’t know. Is that a tooth? Just chopping teeth up there. And then this is, um, oh, actually, was that July? I don’t know. I have to go through these. Uh, this, this is, I don’t know. Maybe this was August. Uh, I gotta figure it out. Anyway, let’s go answer these questions from people who don’t seem to like me very much.
First one. Put some clothes on. These videos where you’re in a tank top or shirtless are vulgar and your tattoos look retarded. Well, uh, first of all, sir or ma’am, uh, you did not even see a nipple in any of my shirtless or tank top videos. So, uh, your, your, uh, your assessment of vulgarity, I think, is a bit on the sensitive side. I think, I think you are overreacting to a little bit of skin that, uh, really wasn’t that, really wasn’t all that revealing.
Uh, as for the tattoos, uh, you know, uh, I’m starting to wonder if my mom left this comment because she says similar things about my tattoos. Uh, so, I don’t know. I, I, I like them kind of pretty well. Uh, I, I don’t notice them, I guess, as much anymore because I’m quite used to them. Um, but, you know what? Uh, I, I, I’m, I’m happy with the sort of overall visual effect.
Um, maybe they’re not all the best tattoos because I did start getting tattooed before tattoos were, like, good. It’s not like, and, uh, you know, some of my earlier tattoos were, were not done in the most legitimate or, uh, legal of settings. Uh, there were some kitchen table pieces in there.
So, uh, you know, maybe not all the best work, but I think overall, uh, I’m, I’m happy with the way that, that things have turned out. So, um, you’ll be happy to know, though, that I, I do have clothes on again. This, I, I, you, you still do see some skin and some tattoos, so hopefully this is not too much for you.
All right. Next question. Not even a question. Statements. These are, like, just statements from the haters. Uh, you and Brent show off too much. Him with the cars and you with the watches. My $10 Timex tells time just as well.
Well, I’m sorry that we did well. My apologies. Uh, but to, to, to, to, to, to, just to get to the root of this, uh, this, this final sentence over here is the interesting one to me. Uh, yes, your $10 Timex maybe does tell time just as well, but you don’t wear a watch like this to tell time.
You wear a watch like this to tell other people what your time is worth. So, if you would like an invoice for that, let me know. All right. Third one.
I don’t understand why anyone comes here to ask you questions when they have AI. Face it, you’re a has-been. Well, I’ll take being a has-been over a never-was any day.
Uh, I don’t understand why, okay, you, uh, you know what? Maybe, maybe I don’t either. Uh, that’s, but, that, that they still do it. In fact, I didn’t even get close to running through all the questions that are in my office hours sheet while I was away traveling.
Can you, can you, just, can you believe that? I mean, it’s a lot of questions on there still. And I just feel, I, I just was scrolling through them all and I, and I, and I noticed that there, there were five of them that were particularly bitter and spiteful.
And you, you, you, you were, you were one of those entries. Uh, I don’t know. Great.
You don’t get it. I don’t get it. But it keeps happening. I don’t know. Maybe I have good answers. Maybe, maybe people like the way I answer better than the, than the way AI answers. You don’t, I don’t know.
I’ve never, I’ve never actually done a poll on it. I’ve never done any market research on that. All right. Oh, look. Another totally unprofessional bad boy, in quotes. Consultant.
You would never make it in the real world. I don’t know what the real world is. I feel like I’ve done pretty okay. Uh, maybe the real world is not for me. Maybe the fake world that I, I traffic in is where, exactly where I belong.
Because that seems to be what allowed me to buy a watch that made someone else mad. So, I don’t know. All right.
Here’s another, here’s another banger here. Uh, why don’t you have AI generate better questions and answers for these? No one seems to have a new or good question anymore.
Uh, well, I’m not a cheater. For one. At least, at least not with these. Uh, these, I, I, there, there are lots of things that I am, I am happy to have AI do for me, uh, because it is tedious, mechanical, uh, or too far out of my realm of expertise to indulge in.
Uh, but there are certain things that I, I do still hold sacred and try to keep AI far away from. Um, you know, like, uh, when I, when I do write blog posts, uh, when I do write things, uh, I tend to, unless it’s like documentation type stuff, uh, I tend to keep, uh, AI out of that, but, you know, being handed a coffee here.
Uh, so, you know, that, that’s why I don’t do that here. Anyway, the mean-spirited people today. Thank you for watching.
Hope you enjoyed yourselves. You probably learned nothing from this, but, um, I had, I had fun. Anyway, goodbye.
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