I Like Questions!
Video Summary
In this video, I found myself navigating through various challenges and learning moments. Initially, the technical issues with PowerPoint and SQL Server tools like SQL Prompt took center stage, but as we hit the live stream’s 15-minute mark, things began to settle down. The community started to engage more actively, and it was a delightful shift from being the one asking questions to having an audience ready to share their expertise. The discussion around querying XML versus JSON highlighted some interesting points about how Microsoft supports these data types in SQL Server. While JSON is gaining traction, XML remains deeply embedded in many core functionalities of SQL Server, making it a more necessary evil for certain tasks. The conversation also touched on spools and their limitations, with a particular appreciation for the window aggregate spool as highlighted by Coyote McD. Overall, the stream was a great opportunity to both learn from others and share my own experiences with SQL Server.
Full Transcript
Thank you. Thank you. Thank you.
Do-do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. Do-do-do-do. Everyone can see me trying to hastily figure out how to get this slideshow working the way I want it to. For some reason PowerPoint is fighting me at every turn.
Constantly fighting me. It’s fun. It’s so much fun.
I am fun. I am so much fun. I wish I was more fun.
I am so much fun. I wish I was fun like I used to be fun. Well, that’s sort of working. Yeah.
Woo-hoo indeed. So that’s just happening way too fast. That is aggressively fast. I don’t understand what… Hang on. Make sure that’s safe. Let’s try that again.
No, that’s way too fast. Well, what are you doing? I don’t know. That’s five seconds, right? 05. Let’s try it for… I don’t know. 20?
Maybe 20? I use Excel instead of PowerPoint. Yes, if only I had… No. What are you…
This thing is bonkers. All right. Let’s… Oh, I’m not recording this one.
So you have to stay. I suppose I could record it. I do have a record button. But I’m going to wait…
Timing? Uh, I’m going to wait and see… I’m going to wait a couple minutes because right now I have… I have two eyeballs, but… Without some more eyeballs, I don’t know what I’m going to do.
If you want the slides to advance using the same speed, click Apply to All. Apply to All. Transitions.
Good morning. Good morning, indeed. The beautiful people are here.
My goodness. My goodness. What am I going to do with all of you? You’re all too much… You’re all too… You’re just too much better looking than me. It’s painful.
All right. Let’s see. Do I… Do I look normal? I do look normal. Wow. I do look normal. Great. What time zone are you in?
I am in… Eastern Standard Time. It is… 11.05 AM. As God intended. I am streaming head to head with Brent.
Oh, boy. I am streaming head to head with Brent. Well, can’t win them all. I think he saw me tweet yesterday that I was going to go live and he decided to sabotage me, I guess.
His ended. Whew. Well, I got lucky then. All right. I take it all back. He did not decide to sabotage me. Well, I hope he wrote a really great post while everyone watched.
I hope it was life fulfilling. I hope everyone learned something. All right.
So, the purpose of this here… Well, this isn’t slideshowing at all. This is doing the opposite of slideshowing. This sucks. I don’t understand why…
Is that minutes? All right. Let’s do that to zero. I think that was 20 minutes. Let’s try this at 10 seconds and let’s apply to all. And now let’s… Let’s see.
I’ve been putting your stickers all over bathrooms in Columbus. I hope that you use the ones with my phone number on them. And preferably the ones with my headshot. Because those are the ones that are the big draw in bathrooms.
Zeus, once again, this is something you have to fix on your end. There’s buttons where you can adjust the quality. I’m not going to stop streaming in 1080p.
Because you can’t push a button. I’m sorry. If you need to watch it later, if you need to watch the recording later, I totally, totally understand. But that is on you to do, my friend.
You’ll have to take a heroic action of Zeus-like proportions in order to look at a lower stream. He seems famous, but who is this Brent? Well, Brent is someone who can figure out how to get a slideshow to play on repeat.
So that’s nice. Slideshow. Let’s see.
From beginning, custom, or it’s record. I don’t want to record. I just want you to… I want you… Loop continuously until escape.
That is beautiful. That is what I want. There we go. Let’s try this all over again. Let’s also turn this down from 10.
That might be a little excessive. Apply to all. Yes.
Yes. Yes. Yes. There we go. There we go. Now we’re cooking.
Five seconds seems a little fast, though. I’m going to get this one day. In the meantime, if anyone has questions about SQL Server, you know, general fun… If anyone wants…
How about this? If anyone would like to tell me what it’s like to be able to go to gyms or restaurants or bars or enjoy being outside, I would also appreciate that. I would watch that stream.
I would watch that stream happily. Happily watch that stream. Food is amazing.
I know it is. I know. Food is wonderful. I remember when I could eat food. But now I’m old and gymless and thinking about calories seems to make me fat. Say something nice about querying XML.
You sure do it a lot. The nicest thing, Michael, about querying XML is knowing that I am in your good company. That is the nicest thing.
Have you done a stream on human events? I have… So, over on YouTube, I have a bunch of recorded stuff about SP human events. Underscore.
Thunderous underscore human events. And earlier this week… Geez, time is so… Fungible. Right now. Yeah.
I think earlier this week, I did a quick live stream of working through a few issues in SP, thunderous underscore human events. But I haven’t done one on using it. The only reason that I haven’t done one on using it is that a lot of the times, getting the demos set up to properly show you how things work is a little time consuming.
You know, you got to create indexes and, you know, set up the blocking and all this other stuff. So, I mean, it would be…
I would have to… I would really have to figure out a way to streamline it in order to make that sort of a compelling stream to walk through it. You know, it’s not like a monitoring tool where you can, like, pre-bake all the data in there and then just click around through it and be like, look how awesome it is.
But, you know. I’ll work on something because that is a fun tool. That is a fun one.
Let’s see. Are there any SSMS plugins you would recommend? Geez. I don’t really use… I don’t really use anything.
I guess the biggest one for me is SQL Prompt. And, you know, I love SQL Prompt for like a very specific few things. But, you know…
And it’s not like I think it’s a bad tool, but man, like the more stuff they add into it, the more things just get very, very strange with it. And there’s also a lot of stuff.
There’s like these shortcuts in SQL Prompt. And if you are in the middle of typing something else and you accidentally auto-complete a shortcut… Yes, Red Gate stuff.
If you accidentally insert a shortcut and you try to hit Ctrl-Z to get rid of it, it won’t Ctrl-Z and leave. You have to like stop and then like delete this whole script that popped up to like create an index…
Create a user or create an index or something. It’s very strange. The one that lets you search schema. Fortunately for me, I only have one schema. So, I don’t really need to…
I don’t really need to search through too many of those. There’s like 10 tables in it too. It’s wonderful. I have almost no searching to do. Double escape would allow to Ctrl-Z out of it.
Yeah, but it doesn’t… As far as I know, that doesn’t undo the text that just popped up on screen. But you know what?
I’m willing to try it. So, let’s see if I can recreate this fiasco. Let’s go into SSMS. Let’s see if I can figure this out. If you…
Because if you have a solution for me, I will… I will give you all of the free streams for the rest of your life. You will have all of my streams for free. My family and I will be eternally grateful.
Let’s not recover that. Let’s start with a new one. Start with a brand new. Brand new. Well, I didn’t…
I didn’t really want you to show up. But here, we’ll start with this one. We have many things going on. Many, many things. You can all see SSMS, I take it. And you can all see the fact that I have SQL prompt installed.
So, let’s buy ourselves a little real estate over here. And let’s say… Well, let’s use a database that has something useful in it. Let’s say use stack overflow.
And let’s say create index whatever on. And then… Where I usually get messed up is with something like this. So, this is a good example of…
Of a shortcut script that they have. Where if you type in… If you type in C or whatever, You’ll get this thing where it says create clustered index. And they have this weird thing in SQL prompt now.
I’ll show you that afterwards. But let’s say that I hit tab to auto complete that. I get this whole thing, right? And if I hit control and Z. Which you can’t…
You can’t see me hitting. But I am furiously hitting control and Z right now. That doesn’t go away. So, I’m going to see if double escape actually does it. No. So, I’m hitting escape all over the place.
And I still can’t get out of what this thing just popped up. So, control Z doesn’t do it. I have to go and delete it. It’s very, very strange. Right?
Very, very strange. So, that’s fun. Wait, maybe that did work. Let’s try it again. Ooh, so the… Oh! Double escape then control Z. There we go. Alright.
Now, see, thank you for solving that problem. I will now give you a lifetime membership to my free live streams. That is wonderful. That is wonderful.
That is wonderful. I’m glad we have that cleared up. Alright. Let’s get back into… Let’s get back into our slideshow. It’s enough management studio for one day.
Apparently, this is a live stream where I ask you… I ask you all SQL Server questions. And you give me answers. This is great.
This is totally just turned the tables on you. Now you’re all the live streaming stars, right? Beautiful.
Beautiful. Alright. So… What I’m gonna do… Is since we are about 15 minutes in, we have a decent spray of people in here. I’m going to hit record.
I’m going to hit record. And… We will begin. We will begin with things. Now that I have PowerPoint figured out, and I learned something new about SQL Prompt, I feel like…
I feel like we’re in a great spot. We’re in a great place today. You and me, all of us. We’re in a great place. So… Who wants to ask questions about SQL Server? Who has questions… Of any kind?
Really, I’ll take anything. What do you think is worse? Querying XML or querying JSON?
Yes. So, I think… You know… JSON is a tough one.
Because… I don’t… I just haven’t… I just haven’t had to use it a lot. So, it’s really tough to say.
I don’t… Like, when I look at JSON, I’m like, I don’t mind you. Like, looking at it. But, you know, when also at the same time, like… You know, for all the talk that Microsoft has about like, JSON’s the future.
We got all this JSON. We got all this JSON stuff. We got JSON, JSON, JSON. We support JSON. You know, it’s like… Nothing that they use internally is in JSON.
Like… Like, query plans are still XML. All the extended event crap is XML. The DTS package stuff is in XML. The way that SQL Server Server’s maintenance plans is still in XML.
And I got… Like, that’s just never going to change. So, for me, like, natively working with SQL Server, I just have to use XML. If I don’t use XML, I got nothing.
Right? But if I… Like, JSON, it’s just like, you know… I just haven’t run into anyone like… Eric, we have a tough JSON problem. But, boy, oh boy. Do I run into a lot of people who are like, we have an XML problem.
Like, I don’t know. Are they just behind? No. They just got support for JSON in 2016. And, like…
How can you, like, fundamentally change query plans and extended events and all these other things? And… Like, you can’t backward… Like, just automatically make, like, SQL Server versions going back over a decade.
JSON compliant. But I don’t know. Like, I just have to use XML for stuff. I find myself having to use XML.
But I don’t find myself having to use JSON. The one thing that I would say I think JSON really wipes the floor with XML on is around indexing. So, like, you can have a…
Like, at least the last time I messed with it, I remember that I could have a computed column that was like a JSON expression. But you can’t have a computed column that’s an XML, like an XPath expression. You have to create a scalar valued function and put the XPath expression in there and then you can do it.
But then you have a scalar valued function in a computed column and you break so many other things on your table. And, like, I see people offer this as a solution on, like, blogs and other stuff quite a bit. And I’m like, that’s…
Like, with no warning. With no warning about all the other terrible things that can happen. They’re just like, eh, you can totally do it. Go ahead. Go crazy. Coyote McD.
Coyote McD. I’m sure you are a pretty coyote. Ask, what’s your favorite spool? The window aggregate spool is my favorite spool. That is the batch mode version of what windowing functions use.
And I think that’s my favorite one. All other spools must die. I hate them all.
I don’t hate them. They’re just, you know… They don’t keep up with the times well. There’s, like, some very important optimizations in TempDB that spools don’t… Stools aren’t…
Stools aren’t governed by. Like, and I know Paul White has mentioned a few times that, like, some of the work that spools do behind the scenes is row by row. So, like, there’s no, like, bulk loading into spools, I think, or something like that.
But, yeah, it’s, you know… Like, I understand why they’re there. I understand the point of them. I just wish that spools would get the kind of optimization love that, like, the rest of the SQL engine has gotten.
And… And… Alternately, or alternatively, depending on how much plaid you wear, where in the country you live, I hope that as SQL Server moves into the future…
And I know this is a tough one, because so many people are going to be stuck on older versions for a while. Uh, whether it’s vendor lock-in, lazy, like, you know, lazy places of business or whatever. But, uh, SQL Server 2019, which at some point will be an older version…
At some point, SQL Server 2019 will be the older version. Uh, I think that accelerated database recovery is going to, um, hopefully… Hopefully offer some engine improvements where we could get rid of spools.
Because the way it works… And accelerated database recovery is really cool. Like, I was… Like, uh, my friend Forrest has a blog post about it. Uh, let’s see if I can…
I’ll go find that. And… Because I want to show that to you. And I… I believe… At least the last I checked, uh, Google Chrome is safe here, because I don’t have it synced for anything. Uh, but let’s just check, uh, Forrest McDaniel Acceler…
Oh, I did that all wrong. Data… Database…
Uh, recovery… I apparently need recovery. But, yeah, there we go. So, the nice folks at Redgate, uh, had my friend Forrest. And Forrest, I want to point this out. Um, Forrest, if you…
Like, let’s… Let’s… I want to open this image in a new tab. And I want to show you… This is Forrest. Forrest is the nicest human being on the planet. For…
Like, I have no business being friends with someone this nice. He is the sweetest person that I know. He also looks like a very young Connor Cunningham. So, what I want to do is, uh, show you Connor Cunningham. I think Forrest might be Connor Cunningham’s, like, illegitimate son or something.
Uh, but let’s just look at Connor Cunningham’s SQL Server. Where are our images? There we go. Where is a nice… Where is a big picture of old handsome?
Let’s get him up there. Get up on the screen. Come on, don’t be shy. Let’s open image in new tab. Let’s zoom in. So, I think Forrest and Connor could be related. I think there’s, like, a definite, definite chance.
They even have the same bangs. It’s amazing. I think there’s a definite chance that there is, like, some shared lineage here. Like, I think they could be the same person.
They could be… They could be family. Right? Look at that. They could totally be family. But, uh, Forrest wrote a great article on accelerated database recovery, how it works. It’s over on Redgate.
Let me stick the link into chat for everyone. There we go. You all have that. You can read that at your leisure. Don’t start reading it now, because you won’t pay attention to me. And, uh, well, you don’t have to pay attention to me anyway.
You miss relatively little paying attention to me. But, um, yeah. So, uh, accelerated database recovery is very cool. And what it…
The way it works is, uh, it takes the, uh, the tempdb pressure out of opt… Like, when you have… Normally, when you have an optimistic isolation level, like recommitted snapshot isolation or snapshot isolation, all of that stuff goes to tempdb.
The rows get versioned to tempdb rather than in user databases. With accelerated database recovery, we have what’s called a persistent version store. And the persistent version store is local to the user database.
And what’s really nice about that is that when you have a version store, when you’re keeping committed, like, like, you know, in terms of transactions in flight in this persistent version store to allow, like, very quick rollback, you also do a lot of the work that spools are doing.
So if we think about what spools do either by, you know, um, like, uh, for Halloween protection, having a certain set of rows, uh, available to read from, like, like, we, we spool, we, uh, we take, uh, we take rows that we’re going to modify, and we spool them to tempdb.
Uh, and we read from that, that source of rows rather than just reading the base data over and over. So we don’t run into, like, weird race or loop conditions where we keep, keep reading the data and, like, accidentally updating the same rows over and over again.
Uh, so if, like, having that stuff local, we could actually re, like, replace needing to spool the tempdb with the data that’s in the persistent version store. Um, so I think that’s, you know, that’s, that would be a really cool use of the feature, uh, which means that it’ll never happen.
Anything that I think would be a, is a good idea for accelerated database recovery or for anything in SQL Server, it means it’ll never happen. It will never get implemented.
Like, my best idea was if you have an eager index pool, you should get a missing index request for it. Nothing. I’ve been saying that for years. What did I get? Nothing. Book kiss. No one listens to me.
Let’s see. Chris asks, in a Greenfield project. Ooh. I don’t know. I did it. I think I did it a girl with the last name Greenfield once.
She was nice. She was from Long Island. Uh, would you go for 2019 with the latest compat level or something else? Uh, yeah, I probably, I would probably go with, uh, two.
Yeah, I would probably do that since then. Like you have nothing to compare it to. I would probably do that. And, uh, at the very least you would be able to properly prepare your workload for, uh, all the cool new optimizer stuff that SQL Server 2019 has.
Um, you know, you would be able, like if you don’t have legacy code that might just blow up in your face, you know, you can, you can really, uh, like starting fresh is where I would definitely want to do this in the same way that, you know, when people ask, you know, about starting fresh, uh, fresh application, like for a fresh, you know, absent anywhere, you know, like, I think really that’s, that’s where, you know, if you want to use like Azure SQL DB or something to take all like the sort of management crappiness out of SQL Server, that would be, that’s good for it.
Azure SQL DB doesn’t like, like, like back fit to a lot of existing applications. And it doesn’t because it takes a lot of the really crappy features out. Like a lot of like the, like those awful, like I’m a developer, I see a squirrel buttons that they want to press to do terrible things with SQL Server with, and then cry about performance later, Azure SQL DB is just like, no, you can’t do that. Nope. No, you can’t do it.
No, you can’t have that here. Nope. Sorry. You’re cut off. You can’t do it. So there’s a lot of reasons why I like Azure SQL DB because they’re just like, you can’t do that here. You know, we don’t want you here. You’re not allowed.
Uh, so like, I like the way that it limits people and like sanity checks them. It was like, but I want to do this. I’m like, no, no, you can’t. It’s not allowed. So I like that about it.
Uh, yeah, Chris, but look, Stack Overflow, they are a bunch of very, very smart, smart kids. They are very, very smart. They are like just incredibly gifted, smart, talented developers. But what they remind me of is when like, like the gifted class at your school, when they would allow them to like have a day without a teacher and do their own thing, they just don’t have anyone saying no to them. They do a lot of crazy stuff behind the scenes that most people wouldn’t normally do.
They do a lot of stuff at scale that most people just wouldn’t normally do. They do crazy and thing, insane things in the background. And a lot of, and a lot of the stuff they’re hitting is a result of that.
A lot of the weird edge case stuff that they do and they’ve done is a result of that. So it’s not stuff that I think most people are going to hit or see with SQL Server 2019. I think that a lot of the people who start, who start using SQL Server 2019 from scratch and are able to, you know, or, you know, hopefully have some sanity checks in place about what they’re doing aren’t just aren’t going to hit the problems that Stack does.
Like, you know, I, I love them. You know, Nick Craver is an incredibly smart person. My friend, my, my, my dear friend, Taryn, who is not just a gifted DBA, but also a gifted woodworker.
She makes the most beautiful cutting boards I’ve ever seen. Like they, they do, they’re, they’re great. They’re fantastic.
But man, like they have a very, very tough, tough infrastructure to manage and to deal with. And the scale that they’re at are just not what most people are going to be at. Like if you like, like, if you want to talk about web, web scale, Sack overflow is web scale.
Like they are, they are big. They are burly. And, you know, um, well, I, I, I sympathize and empathize and every other thighs. I mean, not, I mean, maybe not my thighs, but lots of other thighs is, uh, with what they’re going through.
Cause it, it does suck. You know, it’s like a lot of people that aren’t going to be there. Um, this, they’re not going to hit that point, not going to get that big. So, I mean, I wish you all the, I wish you that all the continued success in the world that you will get that big, but I don’t know that you’re going to get that big, at least big enough to hit stack overflow problems.
Cause like, you know, it’s crazy. When would you expect, Ooh, that’s a good question. When would you expect row compression to be better than page compression? So this is a, this is a good question. And, uh, fundamentally what it comes down to is data uniqueness.
Uh, so wrote, so the funny thing about page compression is that, uh, it will first try to apply row compression and then it will go through some other steps to try to further compress things at the page level, uh, using fancy things like dictionaries.
And, uh, I forget what the other thing is called, but, uh, what it’ll do is it will try to go and replace do like re like repetitive, uh, parts of data with expressions. So you can, you can, if you have very, very repetitive data, you can, you don’t have to store like say, you know, a million zeros.
You can just say, I have the value zero a million times. So row compression works really well for, um, you know, like dates, numbers, uh, to a certain extent, some, some strings, depending on, depending on a few things that I don’t want to get into, but, uh, row compression typically works well for more unique data.
Whereas page compression tends to get better, um, as you have more repetitive data. Uh, the other, the other crazy thing about page compression is that at some point it might give up trying to compress pages and just fall back solely to row compression.
Uh, so, you know, really, you know, take a good, hard look at your data, look at, um, you know, kind of how unique or not unique things are. Um, take a look at, I don’t know.
I don’t know. Sometimes testing it is just the best way to do it. Right. Uh, but let’s see my friend, my dear friend, another dear friend of mine, not quite as gifted at creating cutting boards, but very, very gifted at SQL Server things and making cocktails.
Andy Mallon. Uh, where is his GitHub? Where is Andy’s GitHub?
Does he have a link to it here? No, he doesn’t have a link to it here. Andy Mallon SQL Server GitHub. There we go. So Andy has a presentation.
Look at that handsome fella. I know drew is over there drooling if he’s still here, but Andy Mallon has a wonderful presentation on compression. Let’s see.
Where are you? Automation. Blazing performance. Ooh, I should read that. Shortcuts when to use. Where is the compression one? No.
Try to keep it family friendly. Ah, there we go. Demystifying data compression. There we go. There we go.
So there’s a link to that. Uh, Andy, uh, does a great job presenting about it. If you just look at the PowerPoint, you are doing yourself a disservice. You should definitely, definitely, uh, catch him do it.
Well, I mean, I don’t know. I don’t know if live and in person is going to be an option anytime soon. But Andy does speak at user groups pretty regularly. If you don’t already follow him on Twitter, uh, and there’s not enough dogs and food and cocktail making in your life, well, Andy’s a pretty good, pretty good choice to go and follow.
That’s why I follow. He’s my fashion icon. I just can’t afford those shirts.
Um, really, yes. Yes, Drew. Really good.
Really good. But yeah, so that’s a, that’s a good presentation on it. Um, you know, it’s a shame that, uh, the only place to get, uh, so this, uh, this guy, Lynchie Shea, uh, actually used to be part of the SQL Server user group. Um, uh, or rather, actually used to be the organizer of the, uh, SQL Server user group, uh, in New York City.
Used to blog over at SQL blog, which is like permanently offline now. So I’m gonna try to find the link. So I can put it into chat.
But I have, I have to, I have to go through. Oh, do I even have it anymore? So the only way to get to, uh, Lynchie’s stuff is on, um, the, the internet archive. I’ll have to go and dig that up.
Cause I don’t, I don’t think I have it bookmarked anymore. Yeah. I don’t. Darn it. Man.
Man. All right. I’ll have to go back and find that. So like the only way to get to, um, the only, only way to get, uh, to his stuff. He goes, he, he wrote about a lot of stuff. So Lynchie, uh, works for a big bank and, uh, Lynchie used to, um, run, have like, like at the time, very, very big servers and could run all sorts of crazy load tests with all sorts of crazy, all the crazy features that SQL Server was coming out with.
And just had access to like stuff and his company let him blogged about all these things. Um, so, and like, he just had like really cool stuff about, um, ways that compression helps, hurts, like, you know, when it’s good, when it’s bad. Uh, I’ll have to go through and dig that up somewhere.
Cause that, that’s, that was, those, those are still, uh, because compression hasn’t really changed since like 2008 or 10. So that stuff is all pretty reliable. So I would, I would definitely, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll, I’ll dig up links to that through a web archive and, uh, I will post them along with the video content since I can’t find them quickly now.
And no one wants to sit here and watch me go through archive.org looking for stuff. Let’s see. Do I have some words to say about file stream?
I have terrible words to say about file stream. Don’t stop putting that stuff in your database. You can’t performance tune that stuff. Stuff is not, not good for you.
Um, don’t put your blobs in the databases, put stare, store links, store like paths to blobs, and then have the thing go find them on, on discs. And I know that, I know that makes some stuff difficult. Like you, like it’s, it’s like if you back up the database at a point in time, you don’t necessarily have the files backed up at a point in time, but man, gives me the, gives me both the heebies and the jeebies thinking about file stream in the database.
It is, you know, it’s again, it’s just developer squirrel stuff. It’s like, God, why, what are you doing to me? Like we have a query that’s going slow.
It’s touching file stream. I’m like, good luck. Good luck. Go. Show me. What’s the query plan for that? Just skulls.
It’s a bunch of skulls. Someone at our place did yuck. Surly dev, I understand why you’re surly now. I understand the surliness. I would be surly too, if I had to deal with file stream.
Yes. Just store a reference or path to file. That’s the way to do it. Oh, everyone should judge Microsoft. Microsoft is there to be judged.
When you’re paying $2,000 to $7,000 a core for a piece of software, you should, they are there to be judged. You’re not getting coupons from them. That is, that is the ultimate judge.
Like, people pay small sums of money to see my training and they give me feedback. And I am perfectly comfortable with being judged because they pay for a product and I want them to have the best possible thing. And, you know, I think the next round of training will be even better because I have an even better setup.
And, you know, I learned a lot of stuff from the first round of training, like, you know, recording it all nonstop over the course of a few days at the beginning of a pandemic. It’s probably not the ideal recording circumstances, but, you know, it’s okay. It’s okay.
Am I a Blackadder fan? No, I don’t, I don’t, I’m not, I’m not very big into a lot of the humor that gives people credibility in IT circles. I, you know, and you know what, it’s not because I watched it and didn’t like it.
It’s because I heard references or like people quoting this stuff so much that by the time I went and tried to watch it, I was like, oh, I know it’s going to happen. It’s like, oh yeah. Oh, yeah, look at that.
I know that joke. So it’s like, like, not that I didn’t like, not that I don’t like it. It’s just, I, the, the joke got ruined for me. Right. It’s like, it’s not bad.
It’s just, man. It’s like, I, I, like, like Doctor Who, Monty Python, Blackadder, Mr. Bean. Like, all of the, like, all like, like the, like the, like the nerdy, like, you know, like the nerdy fetish humor comedy stuff that like, you know, was very, I don’t know.
Like, like pointed commentary and sort of like a little bit transgressive. It’s just like, by the time you watch it, you’re like, oh yeah. Seen it.
Know what happened there. I don’t think it’s bad. It’s just, I wish that I, I wish that I hadn’t heard all the jokes ahead of time. Yes, I am showing all of Andy’s source code.
Mr. P. Shaw says, have you done anything with policy based management? Not, no. And no one else has either. It is, it is a pretty underused feature.
Like, I understand what it’s there for, but, so like, my story is, my story is with, with SQL Server is, I was mostly a developer for my career. I didn’t have to do a lot of DBA type stuff. And then, my, my big DBA job, which I didn’t have for a terribly long time, because Brent hired me, was at a relativity shop.
And if you don’t know what relativity is, it’s eDiscovery software. It is like the eDiscovery software. Like, if you’re not using relativity, you are probably doing something wrong.
But I was a DBA overseeing, I don’t know, like 100, 150 terabytes of data. I was the only DBA. It sucked.
But, yeah. And there wasn’t, there wasn’t a lot to do with policy based management there, or, or other things like that. And, you know, so like, I mean, most of what I did was, you know, making sure that the servers were alive, doing, doing like, you know, making sure like backups, like boring stuff, like stuff that DBAs just shouldn’t, like, like the reason why DB, like the boring stuff that DBAs are going away because of, where it’s just like, you know, like, like backups restores, setting up new servers, all that stuff. And that like, and like, I realized that that wasn’t really my love, like, like, like managing the high availability, all the sort of like infrastructure stuff, I realized that that wasn’t my love.
I loved, I love performance tuning stuff. So I would, you know, every chance I got, every chance I got, I would, you know, I would go back into index tuning, I would go back into looking at like the queries people were running and trying to tune those. It was like, that was always what I was drawn to, was never the infrastructure type stuff.
And so things like policy based management, well, I’m not like against them, I’m sure they have uses. I just haven’t seen a lot of people use them, like even from on the client side, like people who have DBAs who do love that stuff are like policy based what? A policy says what?
So yeah, I mean, no, I haven’t really done anything with it. I don’t really know anyone who does. I don’t, I don’t, like one way to really judge, I think the usefulness of a feature is to go and look at how many blog posts there are about it. If you’re just not seeing a lot of blog posts about it, then it’s really not, it’s probably really not catching on all that much.
Because when people get their hands on a feature that they either love or hate, you’ll see a lot of writing about how much they love or hate that feature and like, you know, various like good things or problems with it. But like policy based management isn’t something that I saw a ton on. So, I mean, not me, sorry.
So Lee Dev says in series four, there’s a character called Captain Darling. So this is a good example of things. Rob Farley, the most famous Australian in all of Australian history. He’s actually the first Australian to be born outside of a prison.
God bless Rob Farley. He yells Captain Darling or something about, yeah, how are you darling at me? In an Australian slash Englishy accent when he sees me.
And I miss seeing Rob Farley. I want to see Rob Farley live and in person again. So he can say that.
And then I can skip watching Blackadder because I’ve heard Rob Farley say that line to me. But you can say that to me too. I don’t think Rob would mind all that much.
Rob would probably be okay with it. Good old Rob. Good old Fob Farley. What a guy.
Let’s see here. Cool. So, yeah. So stuff going on with me. I don’t know. Maybe I’ll fill some dead air here rather than just thinking fondly of Rob Farley.
Next Friday. Next Friday. The 26th. I will be live streaming an online class. That’s going to be my advanced performance tuning material.
It’s going to be all the stuff that I was supposed to do for my SQL Saturday Chicago pre-con. It was supposed to be, I don’t know, three months ago now that obviously for reasons, got postponed and then canceled. So it’s canceled now.
There’s no thing in August anymore. But you can catch me live and in person doing it next Friday. It’s going to start at 10 a.m. Eastern. You can buy a seat for it. There’s a slide coming up.
Excuse you. That was a very big truck. There’s a slide coming up that has a link to it. And you get free access to all my videos, trainings, along with that purchase.
So if you want to come spend all day next Friday with me, you sure can do that. Coyote McD says, if you were hiring a junior DBA, what would you look for? Well, you know, junior is a funny word.
Um, because it’s sort of a loaded word, I think. So when you’re hiring a junior DBA, you’re not really, you’re not really hiring a DBA, right? You’re hiring someone who is curious, who is database curious.
Someone who is interested in databases. You can’t, like most of the time when you’re hiring a DBA, it’s a junior DBA rather. You’re hiring a junior DBA.
It’s, it’s, it’s like you just, you need someone who is smart and curious and responsible. And, you know, uh, let’s see some other, some other HR words, dependable, reliable, trainable, all that stuff. So, yeah, there’s, you know, there’s stuff that I would look for in the person.
There’s not necessarily something that I would look for in the qualification. Uh, you know, if, if, if they are like an intentional, Mr. P. Shaw has a good point. There are many, many accidental junior DBAs out there.
And, um, you know, by the time they’re getting hired, they’re not, they don’t, they don’t want to be junior anymore. They usually like kind of grow into that role. Um, yeah, yeah, there we go.
Meeting bingo. I love it. Proactive. That’s a good one too. That’s a good one. That’s a beautiful one. Uh, but yeah, so most of the time, you know, if I’m, if I’m looking for someone who I need to, or if I was looking for someone who I would need to fill junior DBA responsibilities, I don’t know what that I would ask them much about SQL Server. You know, I would probably ask them like, you know, uh, what, what they’re currently doing, what they like about databases, uh, you know, like what their current skillset is, how they think about it.
I think that might apply to databases. I’d ask them if they’re like, you know, if they, if they currently read, uh, you know, any of the, the vast, vast many SQL Server blogs out there, uh, things like that. You know, just like, you know, I would probably just want to get to know them as a, like, is this someone, like, is this someone I can work alongside and teach things to easily?
Is this someone who will go out and explore things and come to me with like questions? Not like, and not like, like spoon feeding questions, but like, you know, like good questions, like, Hey, I read about this and I got this far with it, but I’m kind of stuck here. What’s next?
Like, like, those are the questions. Like, those are the things that, uh, that I would want to like get to know, get to know about a person if I was going to hire them as a junior DBA. Um, no, I don’t see a ton of, of junior DBA job listings out there.
I don’t know. Maybe they exist. Maybe they don’t. I’m also, I’m also not, also not proactively looking for them. So there is my lack of proactivity.
Uh, but yeah, so, you know, uh, like I, it’s, it’s, it would, it would really be more about the person than about, um, than about if they had like any sort of SQL skills. Like, I don’t, I don’t care if they can, if I don’t care if they know what cross supply or filtered indexes or like what a B tree is or any of that stuff. I doesn’t like, do you, do you want to learn?
Cause I can teach you, you know, I can give you, I can give you that like sort of, uh, I don’t know. What’s the, um, the word for if you’re, if you, when you join a union, they call you a journeyman, but I’ll, I’ll say journey person. So if you, are you a good journey person to, to take on this role, to like learn about database?
Because it really is, it really is like that. You know, um, when you, when you get into the DBA world, uh, you, you have, you know, a few, there are a few different ways that you can, that you can hop in. Right.
There are a few different paths you can take. You know, if you want to just do pure development, if you want to do performance tuning, if you want to do sort of the infrastructure type stuff. And it, it takes a little time to figure out really what you’re into. Like I used to try, like, I used to think that like, it was important to be very, very good at both the infrastructure stuff and the performance tuning stuff.
But then like the more I worked with the infrastructure stuff, it was just kind of like, that’s not where I want to live. You know, that’s, um, those are the people who get called late, you know, weekend nights because the server is down. I don’t want that call.
I want the, we want this query to go faster call. Cause I can, I can sit there by myself and work on that. I can make it faster. Um, so like I used to try to, you know, think that like I had to fill, you know, all of the shoes. Uh, but I, I really just was drawn totally to the perf stuff.
And that’s going to happen with junior deep with people who you hire to be a junior DBA too. They’re going to start looking at stuff and they’re going to be like, I need everything. Like maybe I need to be an enterprise DBA and power show everything.
Or like, maybe I want to be really good at like this one thing or this other thing, availability groups or failover or whatever it is. And, you know, it’s going to take time for them to, uh, to learn, to settle on a path. And it’s going to kind of depend on what the job role entails too.
You know, if, if you’re hiring a junior DBA because you want someone to, you know, uh, hit play on a run book for when your AG goes down or something, then that’s, you know, that’s, that’s going to be what the path that they start on. But, you know, who knows if they’re going to stay on that forever. So, and then like, you know, even like once you choose between like whatever you want to do with databases, then you have to like, like dedicate to that and then, you know, get better at, at that.
It’s, and it’s, you know, anyone, anyone who tries to do two or more of those things is going to have a tough, tough time because there is just so much to keep up with. Um, things change so, so quickly, you know, even, even just like on the perf side, like keeping up with all the, all the new stuff and all the new changes and, you know, features and whatnot. It’s tough.
It’s, it’s difficult. Um, you know, you’re always going to have the, the evergreen, like sort of performance, duh stuff, right? Like you’re always going to, you’re always going to have to, at some point, teach people fundamentals, some point teach people, uh, what they need to grow into like a good full on DBA or whatever they want to call themselves.
But, you know, it’s there. Hiring, hiring juniors is, is hard though. So, I mean, I don’t know if we all kids these days, but I would imagine that it’s hard to find someone who wants to work on the database.
Everyone wants to learn to code, right? Everyone wants to learn whatever language is sexy on Hacker News this week or whatever they, whatever they found. Like everyone wants to learn Rust.
Everyone loves Rust. Go, whatever it is. Python. R. Snickers. I don’t know. It’s crazy.
Like, you know, people, people, people all want to, all want to learn the code. No one wants to learn the database. So I’d imagine it’d be tough to find, uh, a database person. You pretty much just have to like, you have to find a sysadmin and brainwash them.
You have to find a sysadmin and be like, you know, Windows is boring. Windows. SQL.
Okay. Look at this bright, shiny thing. Woo. Yeah. Want to be responsible for this? Yes. It’s expensive. Let’s see.
Someone with a very blue name. Um, gola boom. Go zero. I hope I, I hope I pronounced that right. If I got that wrong, you’ll have to give it to me phonetically in chat. But it says Python with a heart.
And, uh, yeah, you know, if I, if I had to go and learn a programming language, I would, I would probably go. Um, I would probably start with Python because I’m an idiot. And, uh, so far as I can tell, Python is a bit like coding with crayons.
And I think that’s where I would have to begin before I got into anything else. Botsco says, can you post those links in chat? I, you’re going to have to be more specific about which links you’re talking about because I don’t know.
I don’t know which links. You’re talking. I don’t know which links. I’m sorry. You’re going to have to tell me. About the event. Yeah, sure.
Actually, they’re right there. They’re going by. So let me pause the slideshow. So, oops. That didn’t do what I thought it would do. So if you go to that bit.ly link, there we go. All right.
You should be able to, let me, let me click on that and make sure that you get what you’re supposed to out of there. Yes, you do. You go right to event bright. And, uh, just like the wonderful slide says, if you, you buy a ticket over here, you will get access to all like thousand dollars worth of my video training.
For free. So it’s a flash sale. It’s crazy, right?
Crazy. And the, the, the, uh, I should, I should probably be very specific that the, uh, the online, the recorded training does include the material that we’ll be talking about during the, uh, during the performance tuning event.
So you will have a bit of a replay on that if, um, if you want to backtrack or if you have any questions. Um, so there’s, you have that to look forward to. If that’s, if that is the kind of thing that you look forward to, I don’t know if you do.
People have all sorts of strange kinks and fetishes and interests. I feel, I feel like unlike, unlike SQL Server job roles, it is, it is my, it is my job to fulfill as many of them as possible.
Uh, I have a, I’m, I’m ordering a firefighter, uh, outfit for the next, next, uh, live stream. So I’ll be hanging out in some cool hat and big suspenders. So if anyone has a firefighter thing.
No. All right. We’re silent on that. Silent. Oh, you’re not changing. You’re just sitting still. I hit the wrong button.
I think that should be the right button. This is rotating slide things. Interesting. Wait, no, you’re still not doing it.
Maybe that button is it. Who knows? I, I, like, don’t judge my, my SQL Server prowess by my PowerPoint prowess. Uh, SterlyDev says, I always have to remember that suspenders is American for braces.
Yes. Uh, do not try to put suspenders on your teeth. Um. Yeah.
And also don’t wear a belt and braces. You look foolish. In England you would be given, oh, I know.
Oh, I know. I know all about it. Yes. I’ve, I’ve listened to enough, I don’t know, uh, specials and madness and all those other scotch bands to know, to know darn well what my braces, my braces are.
Braces for your trousers and all that. Ha, ha, ha, ha, ha, ha. Uh, maybe out of context, but how well are your, my tattoos, my tattoos perceived as a consultant?
Uh, no, no one’s ever said anything. Uh, I think, I think some people, I think a few people have said that they, they look cool. But, no, no one said anything about it.
Uh, and if they did, I would be perfectly comfortable not working with someone who, who is like, ah, I can’t work with this tattooed fella. I would be like, I understand. I look like I’m on work release.
It doesn’t, it doesn’t, it wouldn’t bother me if someone said, ah, you look scuzzy. Why? Uh, do you have, do you have a lot of tattoos? Are you, are you heavily tattooed in some way?
Um, because I’m gonna, I’m gonna level with you. At some point, at some point in my life, I am going to get, uh, tattoos that are on my, my head area. I’m not gonna go hairline because I’m, I’m pretty sure that I’m gonna not, my, my forehead gets a little bit bigger every year.
So I’m not gonna go hairline. I’ll probably do like something like temple or maybe like corner of eye, but, um, but you know, uh, I, I, I would do that at some point. I just don’t care anymore.
I don’t know what I, I’m not gonna get like a middle finger or something, like something gross, but. We’ll get some dude ads up there. Get some dude ads.
Yeah, no one’s ever said anything. Uh, I think the only, and the only time I’ve ever, I’ve ever judged a client because of, of, of their lifestyle was, uh, I was on the phone with one guy and he was vaping the entire time. Excuse you, Mr. Truck.
He was vaping the entire time and not just like, like I have a vape pen vaping, like a, like a little, like dude ad. It was like this, like a shoe box, a shoe box full of liquid. And he would like take this, like, like this pull that just like went on.
It sounded, it sounded like I, like he was like, like unsticking something or like this huge pull. And then he would like do this, like dual exhale through his nose and mouth and you have this like, like beard and mustache smoke. And then like, it would just like cloud around him and he would disappear for a few seconds.
And then he would come back and be like, I am judging you. I am judging you with what you’re doing with that, that vape box. If it was just like a pen and he was just like, yeah, you know what?
No big deal. But it was just like this, like a dragon getting ready to like fry an army. It’s just like, all right. And like the worst part is that you watch that big cloud of smoke pop and you know, it’s just like, like cherry coconut fruit loop, double mango expression.
You’re like, come on, man. Like extra pineapples. I smell, I smell that on the street all the time.
I smell it. I know that you’re not, you’re not smoking anything that’s like, that smells like smoke. If you were just like smoking a cigarette, I would, I would judge someone less for smoking a cigarette than I would for a giant vape box of like 3X cherry nonsense.
Of course, my retirement plan is to live in France and Paris and in Montmartre and wear a lot of black Hermes and smoke Galois blonde blues until I, until I croak. That’s my retirement plan. That’s all I want to do.
Just wander around. Occasionally eating cheese. That’s my big retirement plan. I’ll never be able to do it, but that’s my plan.
That is what I’m going to do. But yeah, no one’s ever said anything about tattoos. And, you know, like I don’t, I don’t go out of my way to be like, look at my neck tattoo. Look at my hair.
Like I don’t, I’ve got out of my way about it, but it would be hard not to notice. And then what’s funny is like when I first started consulting, I was working for Brent. I think the first, like two or three calls that I was on where I was on camera. You know, like I had just gotten out of like, I don’t know, like 15 years of office jobs.
And so I was very used to just wearing like a button down. And so I would, I would wear, I would, I was wearing a button down for the first few meetings. And then I like, like I caught a glimpse of myself in the button down.
And like it had like, I would have like a small pattern on it. And like, I just had this like weird, like psychedelic effect on the camera. And I just was like, screw it.
And I, I stopped wearing them. If this, I used to have a lot of button down. They’re mostly just donated or something now. But yeah, so I used, I used to like try to, you know, be a little bit covered up, but. Let’s see.
What’s a button? That’s a button down shirt. It’s a shirt that has buttons down the front. You’re, you’re in England. So I don’t know. I guess you might recognize it as a, as a, as a Ben Sherman or a Brutus trim fit, maybe. Button downs.
There you go. Mon Mart is a bit expensive. Yes, it is. And that’s why I want to be there. That is where I want to live. Uber douche. If you don’t score a job because of your tattoos, you’re probably dodging.
Yes, absolutely. Absolutely. If I, if, if, if there is, you know, they don’t, they don’t call them job stoppers for nothing. And so if there’s a, if there’s someone who’s just like, ah, I see him. I don’t like him.
I only had one person ever say that to me in an interview too. And it was funny because he was, he was very specific about it. He was like, you know, the neck tattoos, not a big deal. The hand tattoos.
I think, I think people wouldn’t like them. And I’m like, they’re not, not like offensive. It’s not like I have like, like, like, you know, I wish I had Beavis and Butthead on my hand. Now that I think about it, I’m going to go get these removed. Go get Beavis and Butthead tattoos on my hands.
But, um, like, it’s not like I have anything offensive. But, uh, he was just like, yeah, you know, the hand tattoos, people would really not like those. The neck tattoo is not a big deal. And I was just like, okay, no problem.
Hmm, I understand. I get it. Yeah, so a shirt or a dress shirt. Button down, button down shirt. Uh, button down pants would be a little bit silly. Maybe.
Kind of depends on, kind of depends on how, how many bathroom emergencies you have. Die Bart, die in your fingers. Yes. Do I have enough fingers for that?
E-I-E-B-A-R-T-D. Oh, I ran out of fingers. Yeah. And I can get that somewhere. I would, I would actually happily get that somewhere.
Happily get that somewhere. I have all sorts, I have all sorts of like, I guess the nice thing about, uh, having all this time inside to think is, you start thinking, my knuckles are full.
I got no more room on my knuckles. They’re covered. Uh, the, the nice thing about endorsing is that I have lots of time to think about all the things I’m going to do when I get to go back outside.
And I’m excited because New York is, uh, in, in phase one now. And we will be finding out today if we begin phase two on Monday. Uh, Governor Cuomo and, and Mayor Blah, uh, apparently some disagreement on it.
I’m going to have to check the news when we’re done here. Our mayor said that we’re going for phase two on Monday. And Cuomo said, uh, I’ll tell you on Friday if you are.
So, um, got smacked a little bit on that again, again. Like the, like the crazy thing about the last three months, like, like, like I’m, I’m not a terribly political person.
I, I find politics, uh, quite dull and boring. Um, you know, I spent a lot of my youth going to, uh, punk shows and meeting a lot of very political people.
And the one thing that struck me about all of them was that they were very fundamentally unhappy. They were just always miserable. And so, um, I just, as a kid, I got like this weird, like, like, uh, like, uh, clockwork orange response to anything political.
But like the craziest thing about, um, uh, all of the, the, um, the, the pandemic stuff is just watching like, like the mayor of New York city and the governor of New York, like just clash constantly.
And the governor is just like, no, I, I, I have the bigger hammer. And the man is just like, uh, let’s see. I know a guy that tattooed an execution plan on his forearm, a pretty well-known SQL MVP.
Wow. Uh, that is certainly commitment. I don’t think I’ve ever had an execution plan. Um, well, clearly I live in the part of New York that has festive outdoor music.
Um, but like, I’ve never, I don’t think I’ve ever seen an execution plan that I would want tattooed on me. Anytime an execution plan has struck me in such a way, uh, it has been because I found it deeply, terribly offensive.
Uh, many of them have been parallel merge joins. It’s usually a good sign. Um, but yeah, uh, I am in Brooklyn, New York, David P. That’s about as specific, that’s about as specific as I’ll get.
Jeez. I can’t imagine getting an execution plan tattooed on me. Not even as like a cheat sheet.
Uh, let’s see here. Uh, did you try out the graph database in SQL Server? Do you advise it?
Do you think Microsoft, uh, will it follow this path? I don’t know. Um, you know, Microsoft is just so famous, uh, especially in SQL Server for giving you V1 of a feature and then, you know, just kind of abandoning it.
Like not, not a lot, there’s not a lot of movement on it. Um, you know, um, I think, uh, the spatial data is a pretty good example of that. Uh, there’s a lot of stuff that like even Postgres just wipes the floor with, uh, with SQL Server on like, oh, like the geography stuff.
Like they just have so much better support for it. Um, so like Microsoft just gives you such like V, like, like everything still has that V1 smell. And, uh, it just never really progresses on past that.
So, yeah, I don’t know. I don’t know. So I, no, I haven’t messed with it. I haven’t messed with graph because graph is not my thing. It is not anything that, uh, that particularly calls to me.
Um, I don’t think it’s bad by any stretch. Um, I haven’t seen anyone, uh, really use it to do anything all that cool or interesting yet.
Uh, maybe someone much smarter than me will, um, or someone who, you know, spends time with it. We’ll figure out some things. Um, you know, it’s, it’s something where like, uh, if you start using graph and graph does not catch on and, uh, you run into any unfortunate limitations or, uh, you know, bugs are issues.
You might have a tough time getting Microsoft to take care of stuff because you might be a very, very lonely voice in the wilderness asking for these things. And when something is not, uh, an immediate priority or concern, it’s very difficult internally to get developer cycles, uh, dedicated to fixing or improving things.
If you found like a big security flaw with it or something, that might be a different story. But if you’re just like, you know, I really wish it did this, but it doesn’t do this.
You might just get someone to be like, oh, you know, that will be really hard to implement. Like they’ll BS you all day about, uh, it’ll be really hard. I don’t know if we can do that, which is really just code for, yeah, I don’t know if I can get, I like, like no one wants to put time or effort into this thing.
No one’s using it. You know, um, we look at the, we look at the customer experience improvement data and we don’t see anyone using this feature. So we’re just not going to concentrate on it.
And I feel bad for people who, who, you know, uh, wait and wait for these features, wait and wait for these things to get implemented in SQL Server. And then they come out and they’re like, well, you know, it’s our initial thing.
We’ll, you know, get work on it more later. And like, you just have like a handful of people who use it. And then Microsoft is like, that’s good enough. Let’s leave it there.
Like, you know, there’s so many things that like came out and like not like nothing improved about them. And then, you know, you, you stand the risk of Microsoft saying, well, we’re going to do this different thing and you’ll have to use this different thing.
If you want this other stuff, it’s like, take it, like take, take availability groups, right? You had mirroring, you had mirroring for years, right? Like Microsoft could have just made mirroring better, but no, they went and made availability groups and they deprecated mirroring.
So now everyone using mirroring is like, crap, we got to use availability groups. Like Amazon RDS behind the scenes, some years used mirroring. I’m pretty sure they’re going to have to switch to availability groups at some point. So it’s like, you know, like, like all this stuff that like people get, you know, uh, very invested in and then they get nothing else out of it.
It’s sad. Like, I think, you know, stuff like, uh, you know, big data clusters and, uh, some of the other new stuff that people are just like, push, push, push, push, push on. You know, if, if no one, no one uses it, if no one’s out there seriously using it, you’re just not going to see like the improving, like not going to see like the, the dedication to making something better.
And like, I totally understand why people don’t use things at V1. And I totally understand why people don’t use new versions of SQL Server until a certain number of cumulative updates of, or well, now nowadays cumulative updates have passed.
I get it. Like I totally understand. I totally understand. Unfortunately, V1 smell is not nearly as good as new car smell. You are right about that.
Um, I also like the smell of freshly cut wood. And, uh, I, I, I, I enjoy that smell. Drew has sent me three dogs.
Is that, is that, are you, is that what you would rate this live stream? This is a three dog live stream. I don’t know.
You’re going to have to explain that one. That’s a very cute dog though. Is that, is that a dog meme? I don’t know.
I’d make a, I’d make a CrossFit joke, but no one does CrossFit anymore. Everyone does something else. I don’t know if it has a name, but I’m, I’ve been assured it’s not, it’s no longer CrossFit.
They’re doing, uh, exercises of the day. Group of exercises for today, which is totally different. Wow.
A hundred messages. Ooh, we think only a few of them are mine. I feel like that’s a real, it’s a good benchmark. It’s a good benchmark. How long have I been recording? Is it an hour? Where is, there it is. Wow.
Eh, not quite. Go a little bit longer. Make sure, make sure I have a solid 60 for you. Not like Drew’s sad half mast for Randy. Give you a solid 60% mast.
60 minute mast. 60. I don’t know. Maybe.
Or an operator. Or an operator. Or an operator. What operator would it be? Well, it’s funny because I don’t think it would be a single operator. I think it would be, uh, I think it would have to be, uh, a combination of operators. I think it would have to be, uh, like clustered index scans and a hash join.
I think it would have to be that. I don’t know. I don’t know.
Maybe it would be a hash aggregate. And then squats could be a hash join. Yeah, because I guess if you’re, if you’re squatting, you’re, you got your legs out a little bit further. Right?
Right now. And you go, right? Like my hands aren’t in the right place. Don’t judge me. I have a green screen behind me. So I can’t really, and it’s also tough to get into position without A, having a bar and B, without having gotten to do a squat in almost four months. Uh, so my hands aren’t in the right place.
So don’t, don’t think that I do high bar squats like some Olympic lame-o. Uh, I’m kidding. Olympians aren’t lame-os, but high bar squatting is dumb. Um, so I guess a squat, your legs are further apart.
So that your feet separation kind of looks like, you know, what you would see from a join. And then with a deadlift, your feet, unless you squat sumo like a cheater, your feet are closer.
So that would be more like a hash aggregate. So I think squats are like a hash join. Deadlifts are like a, like a hash aggregate. Um, and I guess, and that’s that. I don’t know.
I don’t know. I think overhead press would be a stream aggregate because you really have to make sure that you are streamed in line. Get that thing up.
Bench press. I don’t know. I have to think about bench press. Don’t want to call bench press a nested loop join.
Even though maybe, maybe bench press could be a lazy spool because you’re laying down while you do it. Sounds right to me.
Bench press is an act of laziness. Laying there. Counting on the bench to do all that work. Pshaw.
Then what else? What else? What else? I don’t know. I don’t know.
I think, uh, I think that all this talk just makes me miss going to the gym even more. Like I didn’t, I didn’t realize until I couldn’t go for, uh, for months on end for a reason that was not injury related.
I’ve had, I’ve definitely had injuries that have kept me out of the gym for a bit, but I’ve never just like been in, in perfectly good health and, and not been able to go to the gym and I didn’t realize, um, how much of a nice, uh, mental break it was from, from work stuff and how much of an, like how much of a, of an outlet it was to like go and just like blow off steam and think about something else and concentrate on something else.
I didn’t like, cause I knew, but I didn’t like, like I knew I like that I felt good for, for having gone and done things, but I did not realize, um, just how, just how much of an effect it had on my life.
And, uh, I have not been able to, to replicate that with any of the, the, the things that I’ve been doing at home. And, uh, I just have no interest in like going for a job. It’s not my jam.
So, you know, it’s, it’s tough to, it’s, it’s, it really, it really is difficult to find a, a replacement for that. Cause I really just don’t think there is one. Like I realized it’s not everyone’s thing.
Not everyone cares about it. You know, other people might have other things they want to go do. They want to go do gymnastics or suspension or TRX or, you know, yoga or whatever it is. But you know, it’s everyone has their thing.
That’s my thing. It was apparently a big thing. And once it was gone, I was just like, huh, huh, looking around uncomfortably, like, what can I do?
What can I do? I don’t know. Anyway, anyway, uh, the flow of questions seems to have slowed down a little bit. So, uh, I’m going to call this one here.
Uh, thank you all for, uh, for joining me today. It was a pleasure. Uh, since, you know, uh, this, this seemed to go pretty well. There was some pretty good, uh, pretty good stuff in here.
I, I’ll, I’ll probably go back to doing this once a week. I don’t know if it’s going to be every Friday, but I’ll, I’ll, I’ll do a, I’ll do one or two of these a week probably as long as I, as long as it fits the schedule, if it fits your macros, uh, I’ll do it.
I’ll do a one or two of these a week. And, um, yeah, if you, if you find yourself, uh, out in the world, uh, watching this video and you, you enjoy it or you enjoy any of the other videos you see on my various channels, uh, you know, throw, throw, throw me a subscribe so that you can find your way back for, uh, for more content, like more SQL Server content.
And, you know, maybe, maybe I’ll do exercise. Maybe I’ll just do film myself doing some jazzercise, some step-ups, right? Getting a nice butt.
But, uh, yeah, uh, I’ll come back. Love to have you. Love, love questions. Love, love seeing eyeballs down at the bottom. So come on back, join me again. And, uh, I don’t know.
Thanks for, thanks for watching and all that. All right. Catch you next time.
Going Further
If this is the kind of SQL Server stuff you love learning about, you’ll love my training. I’m offering a 25% discount to my blog readers if you click from here. I’m also available for consulting if you just don’t have time for that and need to solve performance problems quickly.