Advanced T-SQL Triage: I’m Coming to Zagreb
On Friday, June 12th, I’ll be in Zagreb, Croatia, running my full-day workshop Advanced T-SQL Triage: The Art of Fixing Terrible Code as a pre-con for Data Saturday Croatia 2026.
Quick pronunciation notes up front, because last time I tried to teach in Wroclaw I got a lot of corrections:
- Zagreb: ZAH-greb. Okay, easy enough. Even my American mouth can make that happen.
- Hrvatska (what Croatians call Croatia): HUR-vat-ska. Yes, it starts with “hr.” Yes, that’s a syllable. The Slavs are economical with vowels.
- Hvala (thank you): HVAH-lah. You’ll need this one. Use it: Hvala for being patient with me.
A cultural side note for fellow stationery enthusiasts: Zagreb is where Slavoljub Penkala patented the mechanical pencil in 1906, AND the solid-ink fountain pen in 1907.
I’m told Croatians still call any pen a “penkala” after him. The Penkala-Moster factory was one of the largest pen-and-pencil operations in the world. I like a nice pen.
For me, this trip is basically a pilgrimage with a query refactoring side-hustle.
Now, the actual reason you’re here.
What we’re doing all day
A full day rescuing T-SQL from itself. And you. Mostly you.
We’ll look at queries that are actually broken and fix them:
- MERGE misuse: the statement even your mom warns you about, and somehow it’s still in your codebase
- JOIN problems. ON. WHERE. Things people screw up constantly.
- Paging logic that feels like it’s coming from a dot matrix printer
- Window functions that need a Windexing
- CTEs and their unnecessary evils
- Scalar UDFs and how to rewrite them so they stop wrecking your execution plans
- Dynamic SQL that’s parameterized, fast, and safe
Fast-paced demos, from the nightmarish world of SQL Server consulting.
Details
- Workshop: Friday, June 12, 2026 (full day pre-con)
- Data Saturday: Saturday, June 13, 2026
- Where: Hotel International, Miramarska 24, Zagreb, Croatia
- Workshop registration: https://events.3nf.hr/Seminar.aspx?eid=4528740f-822b-4106-8d5a-aa47ee84df9d
- Saturday event registration: https://www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/data-saturday-croatia-2026-tickets-1419095626219
Quick housekeeping note from the organizers: after seven years of running Data Saturday Croatia for free, this year there’s a €10 entrance fee for the Saturday event. That’s €10. Roughly the price of a coffee and a pastry beer in any city you’ve been to recently. Pay it. Show up. The community deserves it.
If you’re in the region: Croatia, Slovenia, Hungary, Austria, Italy, Serbia, anywhere a reasonable train ride/puddle jumper away, come fix some queries with me, then stay for the Saturday community event. Zagreb in June is genuinely lovely, so I hear. It’s my first time going, and I’d hate to be all lonely in a new city.
Going Further
If this is the kind of SQL Server stuff you love learning about, you’ll love my training. Blog readers get 25% off the Everything Bundle — over 100 hours of performance tuning content. Need hands-on help? I offer consulting engagements from targeted investigations to ongoing retainers. Want a quick sanity check before committing to a full engagement? Schedule a call — no commitment required.